Update

I hope everyone is doing well...Things have gone crazy directions here. I am so confused about my path in life...I am going to school for Criminal Justice right now, but also decided to try to become a youth minister at our church...Wow, what crazy ends of the spectrum...AND I believe I will be going to grad school next year... What I love, even with the craziness and indecisivness, is that I have found the passion to WANT to do all these things, and to experience them...I have come a long way in thinking from where I was my freshman year in college and I know that it all started by taking pictures and being yelled at by a certain Prof. my sophomore year. Can all of you say that now? Where are you all at in a small paragraph? What do you want to accomplish that also brings you joy and affirmation? While you all ponder that...Here is just some stuff I have been doing... It's good to be back on here again.

New Work

I know I haven't posted for a bit...but I will soon! Will you too????

Update

A few images I have edited inbetween work... Thank you Shane for putting up your photos. I hope you continue too, as I do everyone. I check everyday at least...

Newest Project

So I wasn't going to put up any new pictures...because I told Shane I would put some up when he did...I know, I'm a brat...but I will put a preview of what I am doing and hope Shane will give us some fun stuff to see as well:-)

I have used photography recently as my outlet, like I used to. I have been going through some crazy changing times, good and bad, and I have needed something to ground me and balance me out, and I turned to my photos as I always seem to do...

It is a project that I truly feel something for...Not that I truly relate to it myself, but I am engrossing myself into learning things about it. I decided I wanted to work outside of my comfort zone and learn about other people...I love conversing with people and hearing stories about why they have done things...I drink up asking people questions and learning about them, even though I may never see them again. I feel like I can make "friends" anywhere I go, as long as I converse with them as if this is not the first time we are meeting, but just catching up. I guess you could say I "shmooze" a bit...my dad IS a salesman, and says that's how he get's customers, so maybe that's where I pick it up. However, he and I also share the common trait of LOVING when people are happy and we can please them. We may "shmooze", but we enjoy the outcome if it brings happiness. For instance...telling a woman at a toll booth "Happy Mother's Day," even if they may not be a mother, or they are, can make a load of difference to that person. I thrive off of that feeling. That is why I love my job...I can use my passion for photography to give people memories and things that will always make them happy.

Anyway...I decided to look for an outlet to help me with that. I wanted to do one that I wasn't originally passionate about, or knew a lot about, so i decided to try sports. I am not a big sports person, so I thought, why not learn more about it, and the passion and pain athletes feel... So I have followed a couple athletes in different sports and learned about them and asked them if I can photography them during all fazes of their sport... So we shall see....

Freelance stuff...Fine art to come...

D.O.N.E!! Congrats to Sam as well!

Hey All,

Wow, our wall has definitely slowed down quite a bit...Let's just hope its just the holidays. I know I have been moving none stop, but its amazing...through all the busy hubbub of the holidays, I still have tried to fit in time to shoot pictures...I am done at SNC and I could not be happier...CONGRATS TO SAM CHRISTIAN AS WELL ON GRADUATION!!!! YAY! I was very happy to be able to go through the semester with her. I am not sure what I would have done without her constant encouragement and sharing in my finals pain. So, thanks Sam.

I have no photos to post right now...Hopefully by the end of the week, because I officially got photoshop for my computer now for Christmas, so I can actually edit them casually, and how I would like to. But I did just want to say a few words...

It has been an insane 2010....i think we all can agree on that. Even though for most of half of this year, we have been separated, we have been able to use this tool to keep in touch and still share that community that we had started almost two years ago now. I am so proud to have been friends with ALL of you and hope to continue with those friendships into the future. I have been so wonderfully blessed to have a teacher that changed my life for the better...who inspired me to find the creativity that I didn't was inside of me, and the drive and desire to prove to myself that I could achieve anything I put my mind to. Shane, I know you have had a rough year, and I will never be able to compare to that, but please know, that to this day...I still look back on your emails, your words of wisdom, my notes from your classes, and deep inside myself to realize that you have given me gifts that I will never lose, and no one can take away from me...Thank you Shane, you have given me hope for 2011 and for many more years to come I am sure...

To all of my fellow students (and roommate:)...Thank you so much for giving me such a wonderful gift of your friendship and support. Your inspiring words, and your love. You are wonderful friends and I could not have asked for any better companions through the good and rough times in my life. You inspire me everyday with things you have taught me, and things you have said...Thank you! Jacki, thank you for putting up with me as a roommate and let's inspire eachother to become the best artists we can be, because through all the good and bad times, that is something that no one can take away from us...It has built us up before and brought us together before...Let's continue to use that to our advantage...Let's all use that, and continue to find the part inside of us that brought us together as a community, as friends, and as a small family in a way. I am proud of all of you, and can't wait to be a part of your lives for my many years to come...but for right now....let's make 2011 a year to remember!

PS. I didn't proof read this...and am to tired to right now, so take my grammer as it is and forgive me for those mistakes...:)

some new stuff...more on the way

Some of these will be part of my critique on Wednesday... The more feedback the better!

Update

So, you saw my first legs of my one journey in the images below...Let me just tell you how terrifying it really was, but again, doing it is making me find out a lot about myself, my photography and why I do the things I do. I think the bottom image for me is the most revealing of creating emotion for me personally. Not that I am personally attached to the image, but I see something I have never seen or felt before.... Its not about the fact that I am trying to understand nudity and how to shoot it because I have been denied it in the past, but seeing bits of myself. I was stumped and at a loss of what to shoot...so I shot myself...holy shit...did that start something and say a lot to me...I will tell you what as I continue to follow this path and shoot more and see where it goes.

Second process starts next week...I am hitting the strip clubs...update later.

Something to remember: and said by my bestest friend, Annie Leibovitz

"Photography’s like this baby that needs to be fed all the time. It’s always hungry. It needs to be read to, taken care of. I had to nourish my work with different approaches."

One doesn't stop seeing. One doesn't stop framing. It doesn't turn off and turn on. It's on all the time. We just have a tendency to suppress it."

Photo Phantastic is Back!

So...Our first meeting is happening this Wednesday for the new Photo Phantastic group 2.0. I am beyond excited because it looks like we are going to have a great turnout and alot of old members. Sam C., Chris, Adam and Jacki are all coming I think... Chris and Adam have a ton of new work, so I am really excited to see it. They are also going to really focus in on the business side, but also keeping the art instilled. I am pumped and will miss our other members so much! I wish you could be here... Sam, Jacki and I will keep you updated on how it goes and the turnout!

A good singer is a better photographer

I did not realized this until my brother mentioned it to me today, but the great singer Bryan Adams (Yes, we all love Summer of 69') is also a brilliant photographer. I have seen alot of photographers work, and researched alot of work by artists, but I still am going to sound like a stereotypical photographer, and say how much I love Annie Leibovitz's portrait work. I just recently watched a bio on PBS about her and how she has grown as a photographer through the years and it was very inspiring me. I have started to feel that way about Bryan Adams now...I am a sucker for his work and hers. They bring so much feeling into their portraits... I feel for them, like I would like someone to feel for mine. So here are a few examples: First five are Bryan's and the last three are Annie's...

Pretty Kick Ass!

Check it out!

http://www.npr.org/blogs/pictureshow/2010/01/the_impossible_project_reinven.html

A New Journey is About to Begin...

Ok...So I have not added photos in awhile on here. I still don't have any I would like to share (not because they are secret, just because I am not "feeling" any of them), but I was truly inspired today, and I am ready to start a journey, and just see where it will lead me... I have absolutely NO idea if it will go anywhere, and that is what excites me. I haven't had that feeling in awhile.

I was struggling with even starting to shoot, so I decided I just needed to read photography books. I had to listen to other artists and mostly photographer's words to inspire me. I was not being able to do it on me own. Well I was in Chicago this weekend with my boyfriend, and we went to Borders. He proceeded to the History section on the basement level, and I to the Art section on the top floor...interesting the separation. I sat on the floor right in the middle of the aisle and started to pull books off the shelf. I had piles around me. I laid down on the floor using my jacket as a pillow. I proceeded to weed out the ones I wasn't interested in. In a hour, I had found 5 books that intrigued me. I opened one, and it was about a history of Nude photography... Interesting to me, partly because we had never been able to shoot nudes, but for another reason as well... This is where the journey started.

I have recently found out that my oldest sister has been diagnosed with breast cancer. We do not know what stage she is in yet. She has a tumor in her breast and they are doing surgery on her on Monday (tomorrow) and then finding out if it has spread and from there, if it has, radiation or chemotherapy, if it hasn't spread, awesome! As most of you know, my mom passed away after a two year fight with cancer...However, you may not know, that my dad fought cancer when my mom was fighting hers as well. I also had my own fight with cancer a long time ago, and now my oldest sister, who has a family of 4 herself fight her own battle. That is more then 50% of my immediate family that has had this disease "haunt" us. I have always wanted to shoot pictures of my dad, because secretly I think he is a super hero to watch two of his children fight cancer, his wife pass away from it, to fight it himself, and in the past to also watch his son killed by a car and his house burn to the ground while trying to get his family out. However, it is not my time to do that yet...I know that. That is for a special time. With that point aside...I would like to focus on this enemy that has taken a inspirational woman from my life, has inflicted my life forever, and who continues to plague my family! I would like to meet others who have seen death possibly and fought it and decided to grab the bastard and throw it to the ground! I would like to hear what other people think about this incurable and unpredictable hell. So, the next start of my journey was:

I am a child cancer survivor. I am a person who has lost someone they dearly love to cancer. I have 6 people in my immediate family, and 4 of them have had/still have cancer. I am all these things, but I am also a photographer. I am someone who wants to hear from YOU, and to see YOU and to possibly photograph YOU. I would like to understand, or know what other people feel towards this unpredictable enemy. I would like to hear those words from you or from those you know who have faced this similar things...I would like to bring awareness through you. I am not sure if I will be successful, but all I can is try. I am someone small in this world, but I have faced much, and I would like to see much more...Can you help me? If you can, or if you know anyone who would talk to me about their experience with cancer, I hope very much that you will call me, so I can add your story to mine, and help others to just begin to understand and be aware of what you and I have felt already... PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ANYONE YOU MAY KNOW. Children, Elderly, Moms, Sisters, Fathers, Brothers, Friends are all welcome...

Here is my #

The ball is in your court now...

Thank You

MCB

facebook.com/MCBcancerjourney (in process right now)

This is the poster that I have made and am going to put up around towns, hospitals, restaurants etc... I hope people will tell me their story and eventually let me photograph them. I am going to record them and document their experiences. I would like this to be something...I am not sure what...but I thought I would let THEM help me with the journey.

This is one of my two journeys I have decided to explore. I will put this up now...and let you know in a bit how the other one is going and update you about this one...

THE END

New Places-New Convictions-New Discoveries...It's all part of the "process" though.

"Photography for me is a passion, a mixture of science and art that creates magic. If a day goes by without photography, it’s incomplete." Scott MacQuarrie

How many of us have felt this way lately? Probably not many of us from what I have been hearing from people...We know that the passion we all had last year is still there, but it has become so buried over the summer, and over decisions and conflict we encountered last semester (Shane leaving us). Our emotions were fucked with and we were pulled in every different directions when it came to stating our opinions and then put on a chopping block for our convictions...

I have come back to say (including saying it to myself)...Fuck that! We are artists...I truly believe that all of us are artists and no one can take that part away from us. No one can tell us that we do not create art. That is for us to say...We can lie and say we are, when we know we are not truly making art, just to give us the justification. However, as artists, we know the difference...we know the passion, the strength, the emotion that it truly means to be an artist. We also have made the decision to be in a funk...I was telling my teacher Sarah Dettweiler (aka: the female form of Shane) today about the time that Shane yelled at me so bad, that I went back to Sam Vanstraten's open arms and cried in the darkroom with Ben Morhac rubbing my back because they all heard him telling me I was making crap and was going to fail if I didn't pick it up my shit!!! That was also the day that changed my life... I think you can all think of the day that you were sparked to create art or at least a period of time...Wasn't it the best feeling in the world? I know it was for me...probably one of the best feelings I will ever be given in my lifetime, because it is mine and no one else will ever experience what I felt...I think we have all felt similar, but yet our feelings have all been unique and effected us in a different way...

It is our decision to get out of our funks! We have been making excuses for the past couple of months. We have all seen them on the blog. We're "uninspired", "not feeling it", "not having that spark." Guess what!? It's time to find it again...no excuses! Remember when we had projects due in a week, and we hadn't even shot yet!? Somehow we came out last year with outstanding work to be proud of...because we followed the infamous "process." Time to follow it again guys...I want to see new work up! I want to be inspired by my classmates/friends again!! I need you! You need me... Let's do it together...Let's get out of this fucking funk...Go out and shoot...You may shoot crap, but just shoot! That is how we are going to get the "spark" back, and that is the only way. It's not going to jump out of us and bite us in the ass! When has that EVER happened...It hasn't...

I am writing this for myself, along to all of you. I had a fantastic (emotional) meeting tonight with my teacher and I know I am so blessed to have her, and I hope you all to be able to meet her at some point. She is the bee's knees! I hope I can just spout out her inspiration to you guys and in our future meetings to help us all through not having our inspiring teacher here anymore...

I know that it is the hardest thing in the world to walk through that building and not have someone to stop and talk to when I am having a horrible day and need to cry about the fact that I will never have a future...Shane you are what got us here...We got ourselves to be artists, but you sparked it...I hope this will spark you as well. This is for you just as much as anyone else. We still need you, and I hope you still need us.

COME ON GUYS...Let's be artists again! Don't let our crappy department and teachings bring us down, or the work world take over our inspiration and our dedication...We are artists, bred to create art for ourselves and others...We are created to help, to lead by example and to teach others...We are made to inspire...

I am with a man I love...in stupid classes again (except for one)...have a job I love...Living day by day... Missing a great teacher...Enjoying a new teacher...Missing my mom...Enjoying my family...watching my friends grow around me...living with a best friend...

These are just a few things that inspire me everyday, but I don't open my eyes to that often. Some of them are new, some of them are old...But open your eyes and see what surrounds us...Go out and look at what surrounds us...Experience life, like you have... or new with new eyes and perspective.

That is all...That is my rant...That is my first passionate rant to pave the path to New Convictions...New Discoveries....New Places...New People...But with the same old "process."

CHEERS

Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one. ~Stella Adler

Videos

These videos are very inspiring to me. Before there was art for me, there was dance, so I use dance to still inspire me. I can't have one without the other. These routines recently seen on SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE. These two bring tears to my eyes, and what I would like people to feel when seeing my art...Not necessarily tears, but something...I think one of the worst things, is when people don't feel something at all for art. Enjoy... I am not a contemporary dancer at all, and used to hate it, but oddly enough they are that kind of dancing that just expresses something universal to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nm6MidMyFe8

{Everyones needs someone to fix, and to be fixed, themselves}

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub9h5LNW7dY

{Expressing Fear and learning to overcome it}

Geir Moseid

I am intrigued by this guy. Like, Sarah Kaufman, I really appreciate his use of light and color. The color is so neutral in this pictures, but it really brings out the beauty in the skin and on the curvature of the bodies.

I think finding spaces, which Jacki was always really good at, and THEN seeing what could be placed in it, I always wanted to expand on. Sam is starting to do that I feel, and I believe it really works better then setting up the scene without being exposed to the surroundings first. Doing senior pictures these days, I have really opened my eyes up to places because of having to provide new ideas for kids to be posed in and new locations their friends won't have in their senior, wallet pictures.

I need to sit down with Jacki and discuss how she see those spaces...I also would love to brainstorm with anyone that has ideas for me...I need to get out of this dry spell. It's starting to get frustrating...

Crazy Hot for this Guy

This guy, yes he has a name, and it is: Mark Peckmezian. I find his work stunningly beautiful! I have to sit on it more, but wow...His portraiture is so captivating. I have included so many images, because he truly stuns me. Most of them are simple, but there is something that completely draws me to this man and his vision in these photographs. That is all I can say right now...He is starting to ignite in me a little bit of the passion that was lacking, and I like it! Check his website out too...Maybe he doesn't have the same effect on others like he does on me...but ya....check him out at least.... I have just given you a taste.

Inception

Ok, so I am working on new work right now. I have been doing alot of commercial stuff-so not really putting much time into my "other" photography. However, I went to go see the movie Inception last night and that really made me start to think... What made me think to write this post was the post that Shane put up about the use of light and creating memories.

I am so intrigued by what inspires us. In the movie the concept (and this is no spoiler-don't worry)-is that people implant concepts into other people's mind and attempt to convince them its reality and not a dream. One of the quotes which I thought was awesome and very thoughtful was: "What's the most resilient parasite? An Idea. A single idea from the human mind can build cities. An idea can transform the world and rewrite all the rules." I do not agree with it being a parasite at all, but I cannot agree with his concept about how our dreams can produce such inspiration and desire to create. It doesn't mean that when we necessarily sleep, but we dream all day, AKA- "daydreaming." I think that is when most of my inspirational thoughts come to me. We have the ability to dream and to create whatever we dream. We give up the idea of rules when it comes to creation and our development as artists. Inception is based off of this idea that we can instill in other people's mind our own creations and have them believe that they are their own projections.

I really am amazed by the ability and power we have as artists. I feel like, kind of like Sam and Shane that I am searching for motivation and inspiration. I feel like I am still able to grow a bit with each picture I take and each direction I give while working-but I haven't felt that spark yet. However, to think about my time that I spent in my class and when I did get that "spark" and how incredablly overwhelmingly amazing it felt. It was like nothing I had experienced. I think that with our dreams and desire for things to create. I feel like as artists, musicians and writers, we have an amazing gift given to us. I feel bad in a way for those who cannot create or don't dream necessarily and who are just content in their comfortable exsistence. That's no fun, and not a challenge. I believe that we are all becoming artists-and I think those challenges are what feeds our dreams and creativity. Bite into that, and allow it just happen. I believe that just like we happiness and relationships: Its when we look for inspiration that we don't necessarily find it-but when we are in our dry spells or not really wanting to look, is when we find that spark again. We just have to be open to those dreams and those kicks.

PS. Thank you Shane for putting up all these great resources and being so active in the blog. Your important is very important to us. Keep it up!

Commercial vs. Art

So, I received a job at Pinnacle Portraits photography studio this summer. I work with amazing people, and am one of only two photographers who shoot there. They have a few guest photographers come in to help out once in awhile. I am learning the ropes and really soaking up all the information and how I can apply it to my art work. Luckily they teach a lot THROUGH the camera and not through their editing programs, like a lot of wedding photography places do now. I was lucky enough to shoot my first wedding yesterday. I was so so nervous, because I have never had to make "art" for someone else. I have always shot for my own personal growth. However, luckily, I had the most wonderful couple to work with. They were so easy and everything I suggested, they were all for. I realized I was still growing and creating artwork. They were just going to be the reciepients of it, and I was getting paid. They were young (only 22) and were all about my crazy and sweet ideas. It was an absolute joy to do their wedding. I cannot say that I have the best "shot" per say, for standard wedding photography-but that is why I was hired...I was told they wanted me because of my artistic eye, instead of my knowledge of studio lighting and flash photography. I hope that this first time, helps convince them that I am a good resource. So here are some of my recent work...

PS. These are not edited yet.

Also: Here is the website, in case you want to check it out, of the studio I work for AND a website of a wedding photographer in the area that I am going to be learning from... I am really excited and I really like her work.

www.pinnaclepix.com

Kim Thiel

Hey all! Its good to be back...I am sorry, but this is a random array of photos taken over the past 2 months. It has been a crazy two months thats for sure. I commend Sam for committing to a project, and just seeing where it might go. I cannot wait to see where it does go, and hopefully we can discuss it more fully when she comes back to SNC. Monica and Shane, thank you so much for keeping this up. Even though I haven't made any posts, I have been reading up almost everyday. I really appreciate it. Well here goes, with my new baby (a small-soon to be massive Bernese Mountain Dog-and a large part of not writing new posts-trying to make sure she doesn't eat everything in site) at my feet.

The top picture is for my new job as a portrait photographer. I assist in weddings and senior pictures, and I have my own niche, with my maternal personality, of shooting expectant mothers and then their baby portraits. This is unedited, but a first attempt.

The second is my exploration into light and color, our first intermediate assignment. Jacki has really opened my eyes to color and light. We will drive places and she will always point out the most gorgeous/hidden/vibrant light and color situations. Its really been awesome to see more of that with her help. This is after a gorgeous rain storm hit and the sun was setting through the rain clouds. I wish I could have captured that beauty even more so.

The next one is random...It is again, my way of playing through things. I love having that mediator between me and my camera. It challenges me to see beyond the obvious. It might be a crutch too. I am still trying to figure that out. Maybe you guys can help me out...You know me pretty well-to say the least.

The last two are my adventure. These are my shower pictures of this year. I am SO drawn to these. I am not sure why, but wow, they make my heart skip a beat like the picture of my friend Andrea in the pool with her face right up against the light. There is something so eery about these and yet so elegant. I know I am getting ahead of myself-but that is somewhere where I am going to focus...is using different light for portraiture. I am intrigued. I have been shooting EVERYTHING I see, but so far this is what I truly SEE so far. We'll see what that even means...

Ok, so I just have one more thing to say...I have been thinking a lot recently, because of selling art, about a conversation that I had with Shane and a couple of guys after the sad going away party. I was talking to Cameron about what success really means in my mind. I had just sold my first print to Prof. Johnson, and I was overwhelmed. I explained to him the day that I sold that picture, I realized that my idea of success never meant what I would be able to sell, or what people might give me for my art. (I honestly believed I would never sell a piece.) I realized that I had encountered my success already...I had overcome tragedy and used it. Cameron kept on saying to Shane and I, "you have no idea what I have been through." He is right...we don't know. All I could say to him though was, " You are one of the lucky ones. One of the lucky artists, or writers, who gets to use that to be inspired. I feel bad (in a far off way) for those who don't have something to grasp to help them create or to motivate them."

I believe that to fullest now. However, I didn't a year ago. I believed my life sucked and that was that. Nothing else mattered. However, everyone is going to face tragedy/sickness/sadness/trials, and it is your choice on how you are going to use them. You can let them swallow you up and bring you down everyday...or you can grasp them and use them to feel success. It doesn't matter if that is monetary gain, or if its just a sense of personal success. You can feel so helpless, but yet in a second, a minute, a hour, a month or years...That can turn, and you can see a picture you have taken on a wall, or a piece of paper you have just written the begining of a novel or a short story on-and feel this warmth inside, and a sense of pride for an accomplishment you just realized you did. That is what I feel like success is... The monetary gain is just a bonus. It's to instill in us that others believe and see that passion. They might not realize the effort and tears and stress, but they see YOU. That is all that matters, isn't it? Isn't that success?

Thanks everyone! Keep it up. I will try to post more often, and not so long.