And How 'Bout For Mary?

Link to this image here.

Speaking Of Work Jacki Will Like...

Link to work here.

Julian Wolkenstein: Symmeytrical Portrait

Sometimes what's right in front of you is what's most interesting.  I have to admit, I looked at these for a quite a while, comparing the sides of each face, tatoo, necklace, hair and raised eyebrow.  The fact that their faces are symmetrical creates some kind of time continuum, and makes me appreciate the unique quirks that each of our faces have.. scars, moles, smile lines, wrinkles.. whatever sets you apart. Check out Julian's other works: http://www.julianwolkenstein.com/index.php?/project/symmeytrical-portraits/

March 21st

Some things you needn't a camera for. Some vibrant scenes get burned into your memory like a lingering spot in your vision after a shocking impression from the glowing sun. I have very strong memories of moments that I hope will never leave me and some memories that are painfully remembered just as vibrantly. Last week one of those painful memories will stick with me forever. I feel called to share this. To those reading this I apologize if any of my words harp back tough memories of your own. This is a fair warning to those who know dearly the battle with cancer that this may be hard to read. I am not trying to make a spectacle of the situation or make anyone reading this relive hard memories. Rather, it is my hope to reaffirm the fact that life is short. Too short indeed to not enjoy and much too short to not love on people. 

I have recently moved back in with my parents "up north," as many people refer to the area. While life is more simple and slow up here and it lends for healing of different sorts. I was not that excited to move back. While many things have weighed into my decision to move back, opportunity to grow as an artist was not really one of them. There are many reasons, however, that are unforseen and only time reveals. I now know one of the reasons why I am where I am right now. 

I had few very close friends in high school and while distance and bumps in our friendships have drawn us apart a bit I will always have memories with each of them. I spent much time with my friend Sophie (name changed for her sake). We had classes together, ate lunch together, studied together, played soccer together, and spent many late nights watching movies and talking about boys. I saw my friend nearly everyday and usually every weekend. As her parents were split I spent much time with both her mom and dad separately. I referred to her mom as my second mom. 

My friend made a call to me right before Christmas to tell me that her mother had been diagnosed with stage four bone cancer and was in a wheelchair. Her mother didn't want to share her condition with her children so she kept it to herself for quite a while. Over the past few months my friend has watched her mother make the slow decline and the toll that cancer has on a body. By the time my friend's mom was diagnosed it had spread to seven organs, her bones, breasts and was taking over. Chemo treatments failed and her mother has been in the hospital since Christmas. Last week I got a call from my friend that sounded desperate. Through all of the perfectly timed circumstances and divinely ordained connections I was available to my friend last Tuesday. I met her at the hospital and I sat next to her on the bench outside overhearing a phone call to a relative planning out the funeral. As I followed Sophie into the hospital she warned me that her mother looked nothing like she used to. But even a fair warning could never have prepared me for what I saw. As I rounded the corner I fell into shock at the sight of a frail breathing skeleton propped up in the hospital bed before me. As I fought the tears welling up I examined her body. The many tubes were fed through her neck as her arms were much too skinny to support them. Her bald head and sunken eyes followed by bumps under the skin that held numerous growing tumors. Her swelled feet held unreleased liquid. The list goes on. This is not who I remembered. This is not the fragile body with whom I shared many laughs and roadtrips and soccer games with. 

At my friend's request I tried desperately to hold in my tears. Her sleeping mother awoke for a brief time while I was there. Even though she could not hold conversation, she still asked how I was. How do you answer this? Before I left I got to see her smile and wave and blow kisses at both of us. That was my goodbye. Sophie's mom passed within the next day and a half. Her funeral is tomorrow. 

Since my faith is a big part of who I am I will refer to this experience through those terms; so please respect it. This whole situation shows me that God has a plan. There is no other way that I could have been more available to support my friend had I not moved back home. There is no way that I could have afforded a trip back up here or been back on that specific night last week. All of this is to say that sometimes reasons are unforseen. But I am so glad that I could be with my friend through this because that's all I can offer. If I could find a way I would suffer all her pain. I would take it away even if I could see her mom smile just once more. 

Sometimes it takes a lot for us to realize the blessings in life. However cliche some sayings are I'm buying into most right now. LIFE IS SHORT. This is a reminder that I felt I needed to share. At the end of the day I could not be more thankful that I have my health, my family, my friends and life. None of the emotional hurt I feel matters, none of the daily mishaps that frustrate me matters, nothing of monetary value matters because when a person is gone, they're gone. This past week has been such a reminder to me that I can get so wrapped up in my own hurt, my own frustrations, my own worries about my future that I need a smack in the face. You don't give up on people. You don't give up on friendships and supporting each other and you don't forget about someone in their last days, hours, and moments. 

It seems totally unfair that while young lives are being lost, my life is offering new opportunities. I'd like to share that I have been accepted to two programs at MICA. I've been accepted to the Post-Bac program and the MFA photography program. I think that depth of this opportunity has hit me in a really big way in cotangent with all that has happened. I want to say that I never expected to get in and I really doubted myself in applying. I can say at this point that I am not certain what I will be pursing. I have much to think about before I commit to such a program. But I got in, and to me that's one of the biggest accomplishments of my life! So let this be a bit of encouragement to all of you. You can all do whatever it is you want to do if you decide to do it. Never forget what you are capable of. Never forget that your life is yours to live. Take chances, invest in loving people, offer support even when you're tired and never doubt the impact you may have on others. 

God knows we all need each other. I am deeply blessed to be given an opportunity to pursue a master's degree. I am moreso deeply blessed to realize how much of a blessing it really is. I would not be accepted if I didn't have the support of all of you, if you didn't entrust me with confidence and respect. So this is also a thank you for supporting me. 

All I ask is that you never forget that life is short. I know that it is easy to get involved in the daily shit but there is so much MORE. We're human, we will make choices and mistakes every day. But at the end of the day remember what you HAVE. For me life can be much more simplified if I nurture how God created the face to smile, the voice to laugh, the eyes to cry, the hands to wave or blow kisses, the feet to travel through, and the heart to love.

"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." -Audrey Hepburn

Scripture will remain an inspiration to my daily walk so let me share an inspiring verse with you all. Ephesians 3:20 He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we could ever dare to ask or hope.      

Jacki might find this interesting...

Caitlin Atkinson is a fine art photographer whom I found while Google-searching (you'll never guess): "fine art photographers" --amazing I got that result, I know.

But the first photographer I clicked on struck a chord with me about the conceptual work Jacki has done and continues to do.

Atkinson has only one series on her site with just eight photos, but it's worth it to look at: http://www.caitlinatkinson.net/chapter1.html

This is her artist statement concerning the series "Chapters":

Chapters

 A few nights ago, I locked myself out of my apartment for the third time this year. While I sat trying to decide what to do, I was overwhelmed with the thought that my life seems composed of one mistake after another; that I am living through a seemingly endless series of disappointments. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get it right.

Whether it is an awkward public interaction, unreal crisis, or moment of social disconnection, ordinary life is full of abrupt occurrences that create discomfort and isolation.  It is often shocking and painful to discover how unsympathetic and harsh the world can be when we fail. The consequences of our transgressions, however small, leave us feeling inept and alone.

The photographs I create are all constructed scenes inspired by my own encounters with this fear and failure. My interest is focused on these breakdowns of everyday life and the subsequent relationship with defeat. The sad humor and vulnerability in the situations I stage allow viewers to identify with the character I portray. In exposing my own shame and seclusion, I am giving name to the anxiety that plagues us all. The images then serve not simply as an illumination of the feeling of embarrassment, but as representations of undisguised human nature.

Some New Work...In Spite Of Myself

Photojournalism practice at the Wisconsin State Capitol: Take 3

For the past three Saturdays I have traveled to Madison to take photos of the protests outside the State Capitol to get some more photojournalism practice in - since that's one of the many types of jobs I had been applying for. After applying for a position as photojournalist for my hometown newspaper back in October, I finally got an interview at the beginning at February. :)

The first time I went, on Feb. 19, the crowd was a mixture of anti-Walker/bill protesters along with some tea party and Walker supporters. The experience in and of itself - political beliefs and opinions of the budget repair bill aside - was absolutely incredible and breathtaking. The photos I took that day lacked depth, however, because I was so overwhelmed by the sheer number of people there and snapped pictures of nearly every sign I could see. Most of the frames I shot were of the protesters as I marched behind them, and occasionally I would turn and walk backwards to get the front of them. I will emphasize this again: I walking AS I was shooting, and sometimes doing so BACKWARDS. Not a smart idea in a mass of thousands of people. Many shots also turned out looking posed and unnatural. I was so concerned with taking photos every second that I wasn't lookind around for the less-typical shots. And I'm pretty sure a giddy smile was plastered on my face. I was like a tourist...just in a city less than an hour away from my home. I call that my get-a-grip-of-yourself-Sam phase. Shots taken: 500+ And they looked alot like this:

The second time I went, on Feb. 26, the crowd was pulsating -- many more protesters there than the Saturday before, despite the snow and cold. My tactic this time was to not focus so much on capturing the crowd itself, since shots from any day would look almost indistinguishable from any other publication/news broadcast. I tried different angles, went up on the curb and staying there a while to let the crowd pass by me and snap the shutter when something was actually there...not just because something filled the frame. That day I waited a little more than a half hour in line to get inside of the Capitol. And yes, I went through another get-a-grip-of-yourself-Sam phase ---I clicked at everything, only later realizing that my pictures looked EXACTLY like every other person who uploaded them on Facebook or Flickr. Pictures are not videos, so my excitement over how loud the protesters were inside didn't translate in each frame. And the aerial shots I took? Not that great. Though at the time I thought they were. Shots taken: 400+, like this:

-----Then, the unthinkable happened: I got a call last Wednesday night from the managing editor of my hometown newspaper...and he offered me the job!!! The next day I met with him to go over the details, and my first day is tomorrow!! I can honestly say this is the happiest I've been in months! ----------

Yesterday (March 5) I went back to try to get this photojournalism stuff down. Afterall, that will be my title in just a few days, so I better seem like a deserve it. This time I could be more focused. I wasn't phased by the crowd this time, not only because it was smaller and less vocal (other than while Michael Moore was there giving a speech), but also because I could picture myself in the role I was about to fill. My shots turned out much better. I took about 300 this time, many of which were valid shots. This time I looked for action and emotion. I found this both in people who shouted from on the street as well as those who just stood stoically gripping their signs. Most of all, I took the time to stop walking and set up my shot to avoid camera shake and motion blur. I wasn't 100% successful, but I think I did much better.

Here are some shots from March 5 -- feedback would be much appreciated :)



A protester dressed as Governor Scott Walker and handed out pink slips to those in the crowd at the Capitol Saturday, March 5.



A protestor reads the list of items currently not allowed inside the state capitol.

Wisconsin State Capitol Police Chief Charles Tubbs signals the last group of protesters who were escorted out of the Capitol late Saturday afternoon.

Update

A few images I have edited inbetween work... Thank you Shane for putting up your photos. I hope you continue too, as I do everyone. I check everyday at least...